mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
