Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Church boner. Awkwardddd
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
