woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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