how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need to sanitize my soul.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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