Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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