I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
