Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
