just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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