Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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