About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
