He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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