Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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