My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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