When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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