You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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