everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
