she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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