I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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