The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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