Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
