sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
