dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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