turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
