what day is it and did you see me today?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
