just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
