these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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