that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
