i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
