There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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