He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
