He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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