giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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