Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
