Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
