She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
