I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
