shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
