she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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