i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
