from now on my penis is your penis
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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