You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
