mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
