I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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