I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
