i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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