so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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