I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
