went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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