I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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