you have to choose: penises or morals?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
