I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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