If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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