I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
