Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
